Who are you shopping-cart-griller-man? I wish we were brothers.

Us redneck's will always find a way to grill our steaks. You best believe it.

This is a proud moment, seeing this picture.

I'm applauding you, whoever you are, shopping-cart-griller-man.

Talkin' ABOUT SEXY TAN LINES,

The summer is here fellow rednecks and white trash buddies!

Last entry we discussed a simple way using your automotive to beat the scorching heat but now an entry talking about the repercussions of staying out too long with your badass Budweiser/Nascar/"Git R Done"/John Deere headgear on. This will be the edition of the Farmer's Tan Trilogy (yes, i know there is technically 4 white trash tan's, but i'll explain below why i choose to omit the fourth below) as i will call it. An entry for each to shine a little light (preferably from our bonfires) on the unique attributes of each.



First off, there are many kinds of tan lines and "farmer's tans" but amongst us trailer folk, the 3 most common tans are

1) Wifebeater tan.

2) T-shirt tan. (Also known as the "traditional" farmer's tan.) The most common of the 4.

3) .... The hat tan (the rarest, yet most coveted).

..and the one that doesn't really represent us but is still technically included in the White Trash Tan count:

4) The shades tan.

"Farmer's tan" itself is typically a redneck-claimed term though is widespread across the grid in the U-S-of-A now but the "hat farmer's tan" is almost exclusively ours. Different farmer's tan's belong to different kinds of rednecks as well. The original "farmer's tan" (or T-shirt tan) belongs to your usual farming guy or the John Deere-riding fellow. The "wifebeater tan" belongs to your regular trailer park thug, you know them when you see them ( or hear 'em talk, little smart mouth shits). The hat tan is to every lawn-mower ridin' guy just going to the local grocer-mart to pick him up a 12 case of Natty and a pack of Marlboro's or Pall Malls (since they're cheaper). The "shades tan" is a usually a Nascar loving white trash fellow that just happened to be out too long fishin' and drinkin' with his boys.

 Though most semi-respectable white trash/rednecks don't claim "the shades tan" since it's also a Panama City Beach spring break staple of any crazy, yelling college senior just trying to get laid in the shade (and who can blame you, brother)! It's still technically white trash, but isn't the hillbilly/redneck/easy going/trailer livin' kind of white trash. It's more like the "i drugged your wifey at Senor Froggy's for a little bed romp in my piss-scented spring break hotel room". That's just not what us folk are about... so the "shades tan" is officially omitted. That explains that! There you have it!

Now most folks don't really get to see the hat tan about town, but us folks around the trailer park know it's one of the most common tan's around our parts. Whether it's a baseball cap or a cowboy hat, the tan lines left from our headgear can be quite unforgiving and make my wife picking on me even more annoying, AS HELL, than usual. She cackles like a banshee everytime I accidentally stay out on my ride-on lawnmower too long wearing my favorite Natural Ice baseball hat. I swear she's from one of Satan's litter's but that's a whole 'nother story... change of subject. 

Now, if any of you capture the ever-elusive "hat farmer's tan" or if it happens to you, send a pic on in. It happens to the best of us. Falling asleep in your front yard after too much booze will always do the trick.. it's better than falling asleep and falling into your bonfire though.. that's a whole 'nother story... change of subject.