Cause nothing is classier than anything that can hold your beer..

So this will be our first edition of White Trash Luxury. Now if you're a little confused on how to decipher between just "luxury" and "white trash luxury" (if you are, well, that's weird, man), i'm here to clear that up for you with some clear explanations and, of course, photographic examples.

But truth be told, a lot of rednecks and my fellow white trash in general sometimes think the nifty devices and lawnmower modifications we do are, indeed, very classy. When us rednecks get a creative hair up our ass (or our wives are bitching) we do some pretty amazing shit.

What you are now viewing is the result of some MASTER craftsmanship. Every lady i've showed this masterpiece too (my mom, my 5 sisters, my crazy wife, her crazy best friend, the neighbor lady, Butch's wife, Bill's wife, Bill's ex-wife) is absolutely taken back by it's sheer beauty. I would give up Natty Ice for a week for just a 5 minute ride around the block. I know that every kid in my neighborhood would rob the local grocermart and give their left thumb to show up in this piece of art to their prom.
I'm not going to lie, I kind of want a picture of this amazing vehicle above my bed to stare at every night before i drift off to sleep. Also, to stare at while my wife wants to ride me into oblivion (only when she gets back from the lady's saloon on their ladies night, every Wendsday). God knows I need something positive to focus on then. Something to keep my spirits up while that devil woman abuses my manhood every which way till' Sunday.. if ya know what i mean.

Now, THIS looks comfortable as hell. Many a day do I sit in my own favorite lounge chair while watching Cops wishing it was in a little john boat allowing me to fish in the most absolute comfort possible. But it's just a personal dream of mine... we all can dream.
Same goes for this little shin-dig:

How comfortable does that look? VERY comfortable. However, i did notice it's missing a beer holder. I am a firm believer that mowing lawns and drinking a cold one goes hand-in-hand so this could possibly deduct it's luxury value in my eyes.. but if i could ride something like this, i wouldn't hesitate to just hold it.. i'll settle.

Lastly, but certainly not least, we have this God of maxing and relaxing. He has taken his love of relaxing while drinking a cold one and keeping an eye on the neighborhood to the maximum comfort level possible. I also love that he doesn't give two shits (probally not even one shit) that he's on a crutch and it was probally not an easy task getting up there. My NASCAR hat is off to you, man. He's clearly living in redneck luxury. I wish i was there cracking one open with you brother. But no, i'm stuck here listening to my damn neighbors argue over who pushed who in the bonfire first last night while they was all drunk.

GREATWHITETRASH is back in action!

After a brief hiatus (blame it on the wife bitching and the damn neighbor kids snipping my cable wires...whole 'nother story) your, hopefully, favorite blog is ready to be back in full-force.
See ya'll soon. Real soon. ;)

Sincerely yours,
Hanky Walchester.

Who are you shopping-cart-griller-man? I wish we were brothers.

Us redneck's will always find a way to grill our steaks. You best believe it.

This is a proud moment, seeing this picture.

I'm applauding you, whoever you are, shopping-cart-griller-man.

Talkin' ABOUT SEXY TAN LINES,

The summer is here fellow rednecks and white trash buddies!

Last entry we discussed a simple way using your automotive to beat the scorching heat but now an entry talking about the repercussions of staying out too long with your badass Budweiser/Nascar/"Git R Done"/John Deere headgear on. This will be the edition of the Farmer's Tan Trilogy (yes, i know there is technically 4 white trash tan's, but i'll explain below why i choose to omit the fourth below) as i will call it. An entry for each to shine a little light (preferably from our bonfires) on the unique attributes of each.



First off, there are many kinds of tan lines and "farmer's tans" but amongst us trailer folk, the 3 most common tans are

1) Wifebeater tan.

2) T-shirt tan. (Also known as the "traditional" farmer's tan.) The most common of the 4.

3) .... The hat tan (the rarest, yet most coveted).

..and the one that doesn't really represent us but is still technically included in the White Trash Tan count:

4) The shades tan.

"Farmer's tan" itself is typically a redneck-claimed term though is widespread across the grid in the U-S-of-A now but the "hat farmer's tan" is almost exclusively ours. Different farmer's tan's belong to different kinds of rednecks as well. The original "farmer's tan" (or T-shirt tan) belongs to your usual farming guy or the John Deere-riding fellow. The "wifebeater tan" belongs to your regular trailer park thug, you know them when you see them ( or hear 'em talk, little smart mouth shits). The hat tan is to every lawn-mower ridin' guy just going to the local grocer-mart to pick him up a 12 case of Natty and a pack of Marlboro's or Pall Malls (since they're cheaper). The "shades tan" is a usually a Nascar loving white trash fellow that just happened to be out too long fishin' and drinkin' with his boys.

 Though most semi-respectable white trash/rednecks don't claim "the shades tan" since it's also a Panama City Beach spring break staple of any crazy, yelling college senior just trying to get laid in the shade (and who can blame you, brother)! It's still technically white trash, but isn't the hillbilly/redneck/easy going/trailer livin' kind of white trash. It's more like the "i drugged your wifey at Senor Froggy's for a little bed romp in my piss-scented spring break hotel room". That's just not what us folk are about... so the "shades tan" is officially omitted. That explains that! There you have it!

Now most folks don't really get to see the hat tan about town, but us folks around the trailer park know it's one of the most common tan's around our parts. Whether it's a baseball cap or a cowboy hat, the tan lines left from our headgear can be quite unforgiving and make my wife picking on me even more annoying, AS HELL, than usual. She cackles like a banshee everytime I accidentally stay out on my ride-on lawnmower too long wearing my favorite Natural Ice baseball hat. I swear she's from one of Satan's litter's but that's a whole 'nother story... change of subject. 

Now, if any of you capture the ever-elusive "hat farmer's tan" or if it happens to you, send a pic on in. It happens to the best of us. Falling asleep in your front yard after too much booze will always do the trick.. it's better than falling asleep and falling into your bonfire though.. that's a whole 'nother story... change of subject.  



Where do rednecks & fellow white trash cool their britches in the scorching, upcoming summer months?

You should of guessed that! Wasn't it obvious? A pick-up truck really does serve multiple purposes. I'd surely be lost without mine. Can't seperate a man from his prized steed.

What you want to do to recreate one of these dependable sources of relaxation during the summer is collect the following items:

Pick-up truck, a large tarp (or anything that will prevent the water from leaking through and rusting up your truck bed), water source (preferably your neighbor's water hose so you don't ring up your own water bill),

lawn chairs to put in there (optional), beer (not optional).

Now fill her up & get to relaxing. Perfect for family gatherings. Put on the bbq and get ready to relax in the luxury of the back of your own vehicle and soak up the summer sun. Don't forget to remove your wife beater if you want to get rid of those nasty tan lines my wife says she hates.  







Dear Lord, bring back the rat tail.

One of the most highly discriminated hairstyles of (possibly) all time needs to make a comeback AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I sure miss mine. I miss waking up, cracking a beer, sitting in my favorite rocking chair and putting my rat tail over my shoulder. Enjoying the morning. Me.. and my rat tail.
What a woman can't do for ya, a rat tail can... or a blow-up doll.
It makes you look like you put effort into yourself, growing that damned thing long for years and keeping the rest of your hair short and tidy. It actually isn't the lowest maintence hair cut, so how it got a hillbilly reputation, we may never know. If only one of them Jersey Shore kids had a rat tail, all them kids these days would have one instead of the whatchacallit.."blowout"?
We need a rat tail spokesperson. Someone to lead the rat pack with an amazing rat tail. Afterall, the rat tail and the mullet are the only hairstyles that truley belong to rednecks & hillbillies nationwide. It says "i'm here, i gotta beer.. and i don't give a fuck."
One small step for the rat tail, one HUGE step for mankind.

Now it don't need to be nothing fancy like that there one above. Although that is quite an ideal display of this amazing hairstyle..a masterpiece if i do say so myself. But you just need something nice, simple, short or long. Wavy, braided, beaded, curly or straight. We just love the rat tails and we hope you do too. May you make a comeback rat tail and live long. Amen.

ADD ON FACEBOOK:

Facebook of Hanky Walchester, GREATWHITETRASH blogger.

Family gathering.. for what? We don't know.

I almost thought that guys shirt said "ASS LICKIN". How much cooler would that of been? Oh, and nice ICP tattoo little girl.

Dear both movie fans & fans of the white trash lifestyle,

Check out this list.. then um... i guess you must not have netflix.. so uh... see if your friends have it on VHS??..
GREAT MOMENTS IN WHITE TRASH HISTORY:
http://redstaplerchronicles.com/just-for-fun/great-cinema-moments-in-white-trash-history/

HELLO, HELLO!

Welcome to GREAT WHITE TRASH.
We promise great things to you here. If you would like to contribute with your own photo's/quotes/whatever you think would be interesting and suitable for here, feel free to email us at TRACTORISSEXY@gmail.com
The only rules here,
1) No nudity. Please censor your pictures appropriately.. and yourself.
2) No license plate numbers..
3) No identity revealers at all, in fact. That means, if there's any face pictures, please censor the eyes or blur the face.
4) If you would like credit (your facebook link or email along with whatever you send, should we post it) MAKE SURE YOU INCLUDE IT. If the email does not, we can edit the entry. Otherwise don't get your britches in a bundle over it if you didn't bother to include it.
5) THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE OF ALL: Have fun. Don't take this too seriously and try not to take offence. It's all in good fun.

This will be edited in the future to add any updates and links as you may need them.

Now, let's have a rip-roaring good time ya'll.